By: Luyanda Dlamini
I’m probably going to sound a bit wonky for this one but I’m sure someone out there is going to resonate with this, when clarity hits you it comes at you fast and it knocks the wind right out of you. And when clarity came knocking at my door this time around I was prepared, ready and armed.
I’m usually ill prepared for these moments of sudden and interrupting change. Let me tell you why, my plan is usually pieced together very loosely, I don’t put much effort into constructing and deconstructing and reconstructing again because I’m a class A “Wing-it-Babe” and a master procrastinator. And I owe a lot of that to fact that when I wing it and just about pull through in the eleventh hour everything always works out according to my loose plan and I’ll still get a pat on the back and really okaying results. This cyclical trend started consuming me, I was doing this haphazardly. The chaos and buzz was my fix and started depending on it for a very very long time.
And I hated it every moment of it, there was no time for reflection, no time to coordinate and plan for possible failures or wins, there was no beginning and no end, no control. Just a very terrible way of living when you’re seeking better quality of life, and trying to achieve above average standards of mental and physical well-being. That’s when I had to take a step back and call myself out. Cause what we’re not going to do, is that!
I was tired of living aimlessly and wandering about without a solid plan and cause. I took it upon myself to make monumental changes in my life to my life. I was going to start working my way from the inside and work my way out. A full internal scan and morphed that scan into something physical and tangible I started mapping and planning every detail, and sorted out i’s and crossed out t’s!
I made changes to my behaviour, my attitudes, my internal moral compass, and big changes in my subconscious, spirituality and ego. These changes permeated into every area of my life and I started breathing again, I changed my habits and started changing my life.
It’s a lengthy process, it’s going to be awkward, it made me and those around me uncomfortable. But listen, when things change inside you things really do change around you. I’m still reinventing and morphing into the woman of my dreams and this feels just right. All I ever needed was clarity, good orchestrating and time.
To healing and getting right.